Monday

Then I'll sigh and crawl back into my shell.

I'm Elizablaze, I have a shell, but I don't really know it name.  All I know is that anytime I'm challenged I tend to sigh and crawl back into my shell.

In school when I thought I'd read and knew enough to pass an exam, before the start of the paper I would hear a group students doing a recap of what they had read. Someone would say something I didn't even know was in the note, then I'll sigh and crawl back into my shell.

With my beautiful hairstyle, nice cloth, I'll look into the mirror and smile. Then I go out, see another girl that looks like she stepped out from the cover of a magazine, then I'll sigh and crawl back into my shell.

I'll jump up after having conceive a great business idea, then I try to research more and I'll discovered that someone else is already doing the exact thing I wanted to do, rather than think how I can be better or become a competitor, I'll sigh and crawl back into my shell.

I'd met a guy, starts a discussion and enjoyed talking with him, I wasn't looking for a relationship, I just wanted to be friend and see where it leads. But the same day, the guy is already making some funny moves, I'll try to ignore it but the following day he's all over me wanting something else, sending all kinds of love messages. Then I'll sigh and crawl back into my shell.
Before I even thought I could ever write for a blog, I'd start writing a fiction, see myself publishing an award winning novel. Then I'll read someone else short stories, see the way it was beautifully constructed, see the grammars in it. Thinking of how simple my story was without big grammars, then I'll sigh and craw back into my shell.

I'll tell my mum, sister, friends a great idea I'll like to execute, all I wanted was a validation from them. But they don't know where I'm coming from or where I'm going to, then they would tell me the challenges, how risky it was, why they don't think I cannot execute it. After all said, I'll lose interest, blame myself for thinking too big, then I'll sigh and crawl back into my shell.

Oh I like this guy, nice, cool headed, goodlooking, godly and in fact I don't mind being his girlfriend if he eventually asked me out, then I see a girl flirt with him, see how endowed the girl was physically. I'll think I don't stand a chance with the guy, then I'll sigh and crawl back into my shell.

I'd gone to church looking like a queen in my world, counting my steps as I walk into the church compound, then I'll see a young girl stepped out of the jeep she just drove herself. Then I'll sigh and crawl back into my shell.
I'd gone into the mall to buy toiletries, pick the ones I could afford after checking the price tags. Then I'd notice this other girl who was just picking different expensive stuffs and dropping it into her trolley without checking the price tag. Then I'll sigh and crawl back into my shell.

Then after I'd wasted time reading the label on the soaps, comparing the functions with the price, dropping it and picking another one. I'm finally ready to head to the counter. But this other girl is already on the line, I'm behind her. After what seem like forever her goods were totalled, I heard the price the guy at the counter told her and my heart skipped. She didn't flinched, she just brought out cash and payed. I'm there not sure maybe I should go back and change the body cream in my small basket for a cheaper one. Then I'll sigh and crawl back into my shell.

Then oneday I told myself I can't continue living this way, then I decided to break my shell, burned it. Looked up and smiled, then I sighed, but I can't crawl back because I no longer have a shell.

Photo credit: imgbuddy.com

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